


Silver & Gold

by Caitlino



Category: Avengers, Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3997174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlino/pseuds/Caitlino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After waking up from grim nightmare, Steve sets out to "drink" away his problems. He then finds Tony who lets him find the words to express his fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver & Gold

**Author's Note:**

> First story I've ever really written, any feed back is welcome!  
> Originally posted this 2 years ago on FF but since then edited to fit into a post-CATWS  
> Inspired by the song Silver and Gold by City and Color  
> Also Shannon Carter isn't an agent shes a barista and Tony loves Pumpkin spice lattes

Taking a sharp breath in, Steve awakes. Greeted with a familiar dark room.

Tangled and intertwined between blankets and sheets of the Stark Tower's many guest bedrooms. Slowly bringing himself to sit upright, he reaches to hold his face in his hands, wiping the cold sweat from his brows and face. He can see it now; his dream comes back to him. Everything he had to fear and everything he had loved scrunched into one huge sphere of emotion only to be crammed into one dream. That's all it took. For him to crumble beneath his seemingly tough and professional exterior. Letting a small tear quietly escape, he quickly brushed away the salty taste as it reached his mouth. Still in a state of shock, he picked off the sheets that clung to his body and cautiously made his way to the door in the dark atmosphere.

"Uhh.. JARVIS?" he 

"Yes Mr. Rogers?"

"Could you turn the light on?"

"Yes sir." The program responded, turning the lights on slowly and dimly.

"What time is it?"he asked, still unsure of how to talk to the electronic being.

"It would be exactly 3:58am sir."

"Oh well, Thank you." He said with a sigh, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He didn't think he'd have the guts to go back to bed. The thought of going back to that was too overwhelming for one night.

"Hey- JARVIS? Where does Tony keep his alcohol?" As soon as he said the words he regretted saying them. He rarely ever drank. Not that it mattered with the serum and all that jazz. Just that he never had a reason. Except for nights like these. He'd only tried a couple times after Bucky. 

"A little late for a drink sir?" Steve assumed that JARVIS was teasing him, but he kept quiet and waited for an answer."There is a bar in his laboratory." Steve gave a quick thank you and slide out the door and down the hallway. Stopping to take a look out over the city. Each time he saw the lights of New York, he felt a little more distant. More alone. He could 

"Mr. Stark, I've just sent Mr. Rogers down to this room." JARVIS' voice announced over a song that Tony had blasting over the speakers of the lab. Tony brushed of the virtual butler for a couple seconds then put down the tools he had been using to work on some of the pneumatic on the Iron Man suit. Giving a quizzical look at the time, he walked over to the door and opened it as soon as Steve came into view wearing a surprisingly casual outfit of what seemed to be Iron Man boxers and a regular red T-shirt, Tony couldn't keep his laugh in anymore.

"Hey Cap! I'm loving the new look! You know I've never wanted a sidekick but you my friend, might be able to persuade me." Tony laughed placing a hand on Steve's shoulder to support himself as he continued his hysterical fit.

"Yeah we'll I wasn't expecting to be staying here this long." He stated sharply."Pepper gave them to me." He said quickly after, wanting to cover up the fact he hadn't expected to see anyone down in the lab, considering Tony and Steve were the only avengers residing in the tower. Clint and Natasha were back on the Helicarrier along with Bruce who was now working alongside S.H.I.E.L.D. Thor of course, had been in Asgard ever since last month's encounter with Loki.

"Hey, I'm not trying to make you feel bad but you set yourself up for that." Tony let out a sigh wiping a tear from his creased and smiling eyes. "Here let me fix you something- that is why you're here right? Can't sleep?" Tony asked sincerely as if the whole situation never happened.

"I guess you could say that." He paused and saw the dark circles under Tony's eyes. "Is that why you're still up yourself?" Steve said quietly not wanting to push his luck. Especially if it meant being caught trying to sneak some alcohol.

"I guess you could say that." He repeats as they walk over to the corner of the room with a smaller bar then the one on the higher stories. An awkward silence followed with the clunk of ice cubes into a glass, the sound of liquid poring and the crack of ice. "Thanks."

"Yup." Tony pauses after a moment of watching Steve draw the glass to his lips and take a sip.

"You can talk about it you know." Lowering the glass as it meets the marble top of the bar.

"What is there to talk about?" Steve let out with a sigh.

"Well there's obviously a reason you've brought yourself down here at four in the morning, am I wrong?" Tony smirked with a dry expression, as he made his way to put away the tools he had been using. "Of course I'm usually down here this late myself, but you on the other hand-"

"Just a bad dream." Steve said flatly taking another sip of the bitter liquid. Tony's smirk was wiped clean of his face, and was replaced with a sincere expression. He starts to wonder if it's a good idea to ask questions, but isn't that what friends are for?

"Like I said, I'm all ears." Tony smiles. Steve looks confused, but appreciates the sentiment. He draws in a deep steady breath in and tries to focus on his dream again.

"It was like having to lose everything." He says softly looking into his glass with sad and sunken eyes. "Again."Tony moves to sit on the bar stool beside him. "I was there on the aircraft, and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I pull up on the steering wheel or how many buttons I pressed-" He paused lifting up the glass again."I could hear Peggy's voice telling me what to do, but then I heard the bombs drop out of the aircraft. And the silence as I watched them fall, just unbelievable. Like an eternity of screaming but not being able to hear your voice. Makes you think about just how many people are in this city, and in the world. How much time and energy we spend fighting. Silver and gold have no worth."Tony looks over to notice that Steve had been crying the whole time. "But then I was on the ground. Skeletons of iron and steel outlined Brooklyn and the dust. There was so much dust; it took the colour of everything. The statue of liberty- crumbled into a heap of mud and metal of what used to be the harbor. The mountains too, just as if God merely wiped them from the earth. You couldn't tell if anything ever lived there. Just all at once. Gone. Disappeared of the planet. But then I hear Bucky's voice behind me and I turn to see him in his uniform- all caked in blood and dirt. But he looks at me and says 'Stevie, how could you let this happen?' but hes so broken the words are almost like whispers. But then the Winter Solider- Bucky- darts out from the corner of my eye but I can't take my eyes off both of them and I just see him snap his neck and that's I guess when I woke up..." Tony sat and stared through his glass, fingering the cold perspiration the rim. Letting all the words sink in, Tony let out a sigh. This whole idea of sharing feelings really was not his forte, and finding the right words to say seemed impossible at the given moment.

"You don't have to say anything Tony." Steve said with a submissive hushed voice. "I feel like I'm wasting your time, talking about nightmares like a child." And with that he threw back the liquid.

"I kind of get it." Tony said still staring at the glass.

"Exactly what do you get?" said with a very dry voice.

"You remember when I threw the nuke into the portal?"

"Yes." Steve said looking over to Tony with a regretful expression "Quite vividly actually. "

"Well I never really talked about it, I mean everyone expects me to be this violate, arrogant, selfish bastard- and I'm saying that's not true. But what I mean is.." He spoke simple, letting his lips carry his words. "Before the Avengers initiative, I sold weapons- you already know all this though. Everything with Obadiah and the terrorists, right? Should be in my file or something."

"Most of everything, yes." Steve gave him a forgiving smile."Pepper has told me most of everything she knows, and I've read your file. "

"I never told Pep about the man who helped me survive though. Yinsen." Tony gestured to the Arc Reactor glowing through his black shirt."When I came back from god knows where, and finally settled back into my house in California, the thought of going to bed every night was like a death sentence for me." he said blankly. "Every night was like reliving every horrible moment I wanted to burn out of my brain. Being tortured wasn't even the worst part. It was having to re-live the moment where I couldn't save Yinsen." Tony paused, trying to think of how he could get his point across. "I guess that's why you wanted to be a superhero." Steve gave a sadden laugh. Tony now staring back at his empty glass, broke in to one of the most heartbreaking smiles. "Then there's New York.." He paused chewing over his words. "I think I was comfortable with just ending it all there... the world could do without Tony Stark. Hell, I've probably killed as many people as I've saved. But people don't see Iron Man the same way they see Captain America. I've done things that whatever God is out there, would never forgive me for- and maybe I figure if I'm gonna go out it should be for the greater good." He stared off across the lab, jouncing his leg on the stool. "You where my idol when I was younger, you know that? The way my dad flaunted about you- he had every right too..."

"I'm sorry."Steve frowned.

"For what?"

"Your dad was probably never around was he?" Tony, still smiling let out a boastful laugh.

"It's all history now Steven. I mean like I said, I practically idolized you just as much as he did"

"I don't believe you." Steve said with a bright smile.

"Ask Pepper for the picture- No wait, only kidding." he laughed trying to cover up his mistake. The last thing Tony Stark needed was Steve Rogers, the Captain America looking at his crazy Cap obsessed kid pictures.

"Maybe I will." Steve snickered. "Hey Anthony?"

"Yeah Steve-" Tony said as he turned to face him as he was enveloped in a hug.

"Thanks." Steve mumbled letting go.

"Uh- no problem" Tony said awkwardly. "None of this leaves this room, deal?" He sneered watching Steve nod. After a couple minutes of silence and the finishing off of drinks, Steve broken the barrier.

"What is that place the sells the coffee Pepper had brought us the other day?"

"Little more specific?" Tony smirked.

"The cup was white, I don't remember actually but it was good." Steve smiled fondly. "Do you think we could go get some coffee?"

"Yeah sure. Anything for you buddy." Tony laughed checking the time. "4:34, you probably should get changed- shall we go for coffee on Paris? Maybe go to Berlin for supper?" Tony chirped getting up from his stool to take both glasses to the sink. And turned around to face a wide eyed Steve. "Or we could just find a cafe in Brooklyn." he said questionably.

Watching Stevens face melt into a smile again.

 

"I'd like that."

 

 

___


End file.
